This benediction comes to us from the book of Galatians as Paul exhorts believers to be mindful that they sow to the Spirit and thus reap life. We will reap a good harvest in due season if we are diligent and do not give up.
We have come to the end of an incredible journey. My firstborn, Jaelah, has completed all the tasks set out before her in Hebron Heights Academy. Though she is technically a junior, her homeschool studies are finished. The entirety of her remaining classes for her senior year are for college credit and will be completed at our local community college. My first little birdie is taking flight from my humble nest. Let us pause to reflect how glorious is God’s faithfulness as He has held us in His eternal arms for our entire journey together as mother and daughter in the school room – both of us students in His eternal realm and both of us coming to the humbling realization that everything in life comes down to knowing Him and walking in His footsteps, one day at a time. Now comes the moment that He carries her into a brand new place, one where I make none of the choices, but learn how to be a good listener and confidant, rather than a teacher.
In truth, my heart is not ready to let go. I realize that this is not really a full “letting go” taking place right now. Ask me how hard it was to let her take her first drive once she had gotten her driver’s license a couple of months ago. This recent season of “new driver” has been one of the hardest I’ve faced because I so desperately want her to be okay even when I’m not there to ensure it. I want the road to rise up to meet her in every circumstance, and for favor and blessing to kiss her brow when she wakes every day, for her steps to be ordered only into things that will not turn out to be a waste of her time and talents. I desire her to be surrounded by friends who love her and will speak truth into her life. I desire that God establish the work of her hands and be a constant Friend and Companion in the lonely seasons, only, please let her not have too many of those.
A mama is hard-pressed NOT to desire goodness for her children. But the prayer that is harder to pray is the one that admits that adversity is a part of life, and those of us seeking to be fashioned into the image of Yeshua will not find a way around it. And it is equally hard to pray and believe that she will be able to see these adversities as a gift from her heavenly Father and not a curse. But I must admit that my intercession has changed over the years of watching my children grow. I used to pray protection from every possible hurt and difficulty, desiring with every fiber of my being to protect them so that they would not struggle painfully like I did when I was growing up. However, I have learned and am continuing to learn that great strength is birthed in adversity. So I still pray for protection, but my heart has turned towards what I believe is a greater treasure than a charmed life – to know God and hold to Him despite any storm that comes. To cling unwaveringly to His goodness and trustworthiness no matter how dark the world might look. To count everything as loss compared to the delight of knowing Him. Childhood for our kids has blessedly been a sacred, protected and beautiful place, one for which I have been willing to lay much on the altar to preserve for them because I know how quickly the realities of this world will set in. I have made plenty of mistakes, but I believe that they have been surrounded by love from the very beginning and that has given them a tremendous foundation to build on for the rest of their lives. It is in acknowledgement of this gift – that of both safety and a kind place to grow, yet also the possession of parents who work to arm their children’s hearts for future battles – that we prepare to release our precious gift into a less kind place. She will have a home to return to at the end of the day, and for that I am very grateful, but there will be a lot of new experiences, some good and some painful. Perhaps this part of the journey is what we can finally, truthfully call “growing up.”
I must also take a moment to acknowledge to myself what a journey this has been for me. Little did I realize some thirteen odd years ago when we bought our first set of hardcover illustrated books and the first cherished set of “lesson plans” (oh, what a naive little mother-of-preschoolers heart I used to have!) that I was embarking on the grittiest, most wonderful, difficult, harrowing, delightful times of my life. I would sacrifice everything all over again – every single dream I thought I wanted so much – because nothing I could have done with my passions and gifting outside of teaching these precious souls would have yielded to the deep sense of reward I have right now…and the sense of contentment and resolve to know I’m not nearly finished because six more souls wait in the wings! Oh, what I have learned of God’s sustaining mercy! Oh, how I have found Patience to be a well drunk from often! How utterly humbling and consecrated has been every. single. moment. And this is not because there is anything special about me. Yes, I happen to have a gift for organizing and administration and that has certainly helped me in the day-to-day details as I’ve taught these babies of mine. But what has made this monumental task so sacred is because it was done in obedience. It wasn’t my dream for myself to be a preschool, elementary, middle school, high school teacher. But it was my dream to follow the Shepherd, and so I have done with empty hands and a dry-as-bones heart in many, many of the seasons we’ve travelled together. I had no idea how much I desperately NEEDED the path He has laid out for me. He has filled me at every turn. He has fed me with heavenly manna when I thought I would literally fall to pieces if I had to correct one more algebra problem or dangling participle, and when the questions of teenagers have left me barren of sleep many, many nights. He has been my sole Comforter when I’ve hidden in the bathroom crying silent tears (and not so silent ones) to God to hear me and give me what I need in due season to care for my charge of educating the children. The fact is that I have spent myself completely for something that mattered to His heart for my children, and in the process He has fathered my heart as well. I would not be reveling in the sweet peace of rewarded diligence if I hadn’t been willing to go the distance. This is not something I take lightly because it is a lesson for all of life. We reap a harvest in due season only if we do not give up. Had I given up somewhere along the way (being honest that there were plenty of moments I’ve thought homeschooling was for the birds) I would not get to sit back with my glass of iced tea on the porch, marveling to my Father what a beautiful thing He has made out of this first treasure to come out of the mold, stamped all over with beautiful bits of Him, a fledgling little one ready to go out with Him on her own and create some beautiful rewards of obedience in her own life. What other treasure would be so worthy to give my children than to say that it was worth it to me to make the sacrifice because they are worth it? Because God’s idea of a well-spent life is worth it? And isn’t obedience the only thing that God is requiring of any of us? Obedience that counts the cost but doesn’t niggle out the pennies’ worth of cost for each moment – a heart that says yes and takes a leap, knowing that it will be a total disaster if it weren’t for Him. But that trust is why it’s an adventure and that’s why we wouldn’t want it any other way.
There will be many tears and changes over the next weeks and months. For one small detail, in my love of symmetry I color-coded my children’s lesson plans according to the colors of the rainbow. Now my planner will look lopsided because my red has no more assignments. It will be strange not reading any more of her essays or assigning any more exams. But we will still have plenty of late night talks and laughs and cries. And as for the other kids, there will still be plenty of hilarious, infuriating, beautiful, patience-building exercises in grace on an almost daily, if not hourly, basis as I continue this task set out before me with much more dependence on His strength than I ever thought I needed at the start of this whole thing. I would say that because of God’s insistence on the adversity of obedience, the wonderful moments far outweigh the difficult ones.
Congratulations to Jaelah for patiently bearing the role of Guinea Pig and Tester of All the Expensive Unused Curriculum here at our beloved little homeschool. We sure love you and look forward with great excitement for all God will do in your life.
Hebron Heights Academy 